Naked at UNT

In case anybody missed it, today the FMLA met at a free speech area on campus and mostly took off their clothes and started yelling about loving your body.  I was amongst them.
I’m not terribly comfortable with my body, but I built up my confidence and ran around in my spider-man boxers, handing out stickers that said “This is what a feminist looks like”.   It was exciting and liberating.  Everyone was happy and excited, and people came up to us, and they smiled, and we gave them compliments.  Everyone felt good, and it was wonderful.  Later when I put my clothes back on, they felt sticky and unpleasant.  We’re in Texas!  Why should we be wearing all these clothes in this heat?  I wonder.

I gave one woman a sticker, and she said she didn’t really believe in feminism.  I told her that feminism was about equal rights, and she told me that wasn’t really what feminism was about though.  I should be careful about oppressing men.  I wasn’t the only undressed male there today, and she could see that for herself.  I told her to come to our next meeting and see whether or not she approves, having assured her that everyone there believed strongly in equal rights, and the men were as welcome as the women.  She smiled and nodded knowingly, undoubtedly assured that I had no idea what I was talking about. 

I don’t think it’s just the name ‘feminism’ that puts people off.  I used to think that might be it.  But people aren’t usually put off by words like “mankind”.  So it’s more than just the terminology.  People think they know what’s going on, but don’t know anything about us.  Some people looked at us and shook their heads today.  Should we be ashamed of what we’re doing?  All I felt today was overwhelming love and acceptance, and here people are shaking their heads at us like we’re doing something obscene.  What we were doing today did not exclude men or women or gays or straight or christians or athiests or muslims or conservatives or liberals, it was just about being OK with who you are.  Should we really be ashamed of ourselves for this?

Beauty and the Beast

What if Charlie’s Angels were all bald?  That would make more sense.  Secret agents don’t need long hair, in fact it gets in the way.  But then, I suppose we’d have to go to extremes and have them also wear appropriate clothing for the task at hand.  Overall, that would be unnattractive, and Charlie might not want them anymore.

Is Titanic a love story or a lust story?  What if Rose had been fat?  What if she’d been taller than Jack?  How would that scene where they stand at the front of the ship and Rose says “I’m flying!” have looked if Rose were fat and very tall?  Would Jack have wanted to sketch her naked at all?  Probably as much as Rose would have wanted to be sketched if Jack was 50, fat and balding.  So is this one of the greatest love stories of all time, or greatest lust stories?

Reading “It’s a Big Fat Revolution” made me think about these things.  And, on second thought, Rose may not have had as much of a problem with Jack if he was fat than he would’ve had if she was fat.  We do have a theme in, at least, western society of “beauty and the beast”: Phantom of the Opera, Beauty and the Beast, King Kong, Edward Scissorhands, Fantastic Four, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, etc.   We also regularly see film portrayals of the beautiful woman with the overweight, or not-so attractive man: Annie Hall, The Nutty Professor, The Simpsons, The King of Queens, etc.

So women can’t be attractive romantically unless they’re attractive physically, I think is the overall conclusion.  Men can, women can’t.  And it’s not just attractiveness, it’s societal standards of beauty.  Because, honestly, Cameron Diaz could shave her head, and people would instantly find her less attractive just because it’s weird (I’m not one of those people, for the record). 
I know this isn’t a terribly original observation.  It’s just strange to think about how the greatest love stories of all film history could change so completely if Dawn French played the part instead of someone really skinny.  Dawn French as Christine in Phantom of the Opera?  Why not?  Because it wouldn’t be as hot then.  So why’s Erik so ugly?  It’s just acceptable.

 So I wonder about what straight people feel when they’re watching these films.  The men are gawking at the women, and the women are…what?  Pitying the ugly men?  Or seeing past their physical features and seeing the true beauty inside?  So the standard for male beauty is lower.  So what does she see when she looks at the female love interest?  A challange?  Maybe that’s why the guys are so ugly: so the male audience doesn’t see them as a challange.  
I think women’s personalities are less important in the media also.  They don’t get to be as funny or deep as the ugly men.  I think that’s the point of being attractive: not being funny or deep.  I don’t have any citations for this off the top of my head, so maybe I’m just being cynical.

 But I wonder if this has a lot to do with how we see larger women.  If they’re the size of the average male, they could undoubtedly be seen as theatening, as opposed to the gentle, harmless smaller female.  Does being a physical equal mean they can’t be an emotional equal?  I think sex is a lot more complicated for everyone than just what exactly you find physically attractive.  Even people who sleep around a lot – no shag is worth the effort simply for the genital stimulation.  I think with more promiscuous men it has a lot to do with how they feel about getting laid in the first place, whether they might find it to be an achievement, to have won something for the evening, or to feel accepted and attractive to someone.  Since society says skinny girls are more attractive, then boning a skinny girl is a better prize, right?  Better to brag about at least.  And if a skinny girl, who must know she’s hot, thinks you’re hot enough to sleep with, then you must be hot too.  Self esteem boost, right there.  And also sleeping with a more submissive appearing female may be based on an erotic desire for dominance.  Who feels dominant when the other person can kick your arse?  Ah, which also makes me think of how men want to be seen by other men again.  What would the guys think if your girlfriend was stronger than you?  Man, you’d be a pussy.  A girl yourself.  Maybe that makes you a lesbian, and completely excluded from masculinity altogether. 

 Grrr…so what makes a real man?  Ay, there’s the rub.  If you can’t fight, are you a real man?  Should all relationships have a dominant and submissive partner?  I think this is often how people see things, but it’s certianly not logical or fair.  Can I say I’m a real man without being laughed at?  I think most people would find it funny to hear me say that, but I suppose that’s because, although they know I have a penis and testicles, they also know that ‘real man’ refers to somoene large and muscely who can fight. 

Queens

“A lesbian is percieved as someone who can live without a man and who is therefore (however illogically) against men.” 
- “Homophobia: A Weapon of Sexism” by Suzanne Pharr

I fucking love this statement, because it’s so fucking true.  Fuck.  Thinking about it, when does anyone look at a gay man and think about how he must hate women?  Never.  Femininity is celebrated throughout the gay male community (to the X-treme), and no homophobe can pretend that isn’t true.  But lesbians are man-hating dykes!  That’s one of those things that you always know, but never think about.  And that’s really freakin’ interesting to think about.
And overall, a damn fine article.  I was expecting to start blogging with: “YEAH TOO FUCKING RIGHT!  TAKE DOWN THE FUCKING MAN!  GAY RIGHTS!   WOOO!  RAINBOWS!  WOO!  BISEXUALS!  WOOO!  But I didn’t.  I mean, I can be pretty X-treme when I want to be, but right now I’m savouring the article like a sweet cigar after making love to one or more strangers (’cause you know I do that in real life). 
I think third wave feminism being about things like sexual identity is very important, because when people try to deny the need for feminism, that’s something they can’t argue with (unless, like all us sensible people, they realise that the devil made homersexurals, and we need to track them down with our pitchforkes, and feed ‘em back to hell).  What a delightful read about homophobia!  I shall go and eat some sorbet now.

Reading “Toward a New Vision” by Patricia Hill Collins, I’m overwhelmed with the desire to tell someone to fuck off.  I appreciate the message of this article, but when I reach a point of discussion in which I’m told “You think like this:  Men=good, women=bad,” I immediately want to bust a cap.  In my current mood, this would be my gender identity list as suggested by Collins:

Masculine
aggressive
stupid
mean
macho
full of shit

 Feminine
aggressive
stupid
mean
over feminine
full of crap

Now, does this fit into the idea that I’m thinking of white men and women?  Yes, it does!  But fear not, people of other races, I think you’re all stupid too!
This has nothing to do with race, gender, orientation, etc, it is simply that I am a cynical, judgemental bastard.  And I suppose I must be the exception to Collins’ anticipated audience.  It’s got me glum because I don’t feel it applies to me, and I find it kind of offensive.  Perhaps there should be a disclaimer at the beginning of the article:  “IF YOU JUST HATE EVERYONE, THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU”
I wonder though, if this had worked on me, how would I feel?  I suppose I can picture some people thinking, “Oh my God, she’s right.  I do think white men are superior.  How very clever.”  I should probably have been reading the article as if I was one of those people.  But I don’t wanna pretend I’m like she recons everyone else is!  I don’t wanna be catagorised as one of these people and have my feelings taken for granted!  I don’t want to be one of those she’s refering to when she says the words “you probably”.  Because I ain’t.  My “position” has been thoroughly “examined”, thank you very much.
Perhaps I need a chill pill.  Perhaps I should now read the homophobia article, and really bust a cap!  Bet you can’t wait for that blog entry!

addendum

After I got into bed last night, I read “Feminist Politics:Where We Stand”.  I really liked how this explained the details of why the man is the white man usually.  I thought that was really cool.  And the “Denials of Inequality” just plum made me feel enlightened.  It made me think about my own family, which is…let’s call it a broken home.  My father lives in the UK, and only pays child support because he’s legally bound.  A few years ago, before the law came into it, he didn’t pay at all.  It certainly was not because he didn’t have the money.  Daddy is in fact a radio host.  He does the breakfast show, which means he has time to manage his other job during the day.  Oh, and did I mention he lives in Henley on Thames?  Not exactly a cheap place to live.  Oh, and he’s married. 
Father dearest doesn’t pay more than…I think a couple of hundred dollars a month for my underage brother.  Meanwhile, Mother works at least five days out of the week (usually more) 8am-6pm, puts me through college, and my sister through college in England (let’s not forget the exchange rate, please), and supports my 16 year old brother, who is still in high school.  Oh, and she has 7 cats and two dogs.  All thrust upon her by my siblings and myself as children, who just had to have pets, but didn’t feel a need to look after them.  So while Daddy is drinking wine during the Henley Royal Regatta, Mummy is slaving away over little Stuey’s dinner.  Isn’t this just the life?
I think I’m getting a little too personal.

Vagina Experts

Five gynecologists in twenty states were women in 1970?!  Where is the sense in that?   Thank you for informing me of this statistic, Ms. Baumgardner and Ms. Richards.   I recently watched a documentary in which I learned that women have a more refined olfactory system that men (and it is even stronger around ovulation) .  It then asked the question, so why is it mainly men who make wine when wine is all about the smell?  Apparently itt was once believed (I wish I had a link to prove this one) that if a woman entered a wine cellar, all the wine would instantly go off.  Apparently.   So what on Earth is the deal with men doing what only women can do best?  These days it looks like female gynecologists are dominating the industry, which is good.  I’m trying to think of something to compare that situation to.  Men are experts on vaginas like lobsters are experts on bananas.  Considering 30% of women rarely or never even have orgasms (and considering most women make the mistake of screwing the other gender) we males really have a lot to answer for. 
Actually, I’d rather not say “we”.  One problem with situations like sexism is that more often than not, some label is going to get pinned on the bad guys.  What I just did was blame men (as in nearly half of the human population of Earth, nearly 6 billion or so) for the western female’s lack of orgasm.  That is a lot of people.  Personally, as a man, I like to think I do not contribute to this lack of orgasm.  And I’m sure not all the orgasms that actually are happening can be awarded to lesbian intercourse (probably a lot though).  Quite a few men these days take pride in the ability to orgasm (thus: faking it), and my earlier accusation suggests that they’re not doing a very good job.  Now, that’s just mean.  If I went up to Michael Jordan and told him he was doing a rubbish job at basketball, he’d probably be very upset.  Actually, he’d probably laugh at me and walk away.  But not all men are as secure in their ability to produce orgasm in the human female as Michael Jordan is in his ability to slam dunk, and would take my mocking a little more harshly.  Now, a lot of men are to blame for a lot of missed orgasms in women, but this doesn’t mean I should label our anti-orgasmic-enemy as “males”.  In Adrienne Rich’s “Claiming an Education”,  she managed to bring up the term ”white men”.  Now, I’ve gotta admit, white men are the man.  But I’m not the man!  And I’m white, and I am a man (I mean, just look at me: , that’s pretty white!), but I don’t think I’ve done much oppressing in my life.   Not to say I think Adrienne Rich was accusing white men of being bastards!  It’s a reasonable statistic to point out!   But when I read articles like these, I try to see them from the perspective of someone who hates feminism (see previous entry).  As a white man, if I was…lesser educated, hated feminism, and read that article, I might be a little bit upset.  This example wasn’t a major issue in my opinion, but there are other times when it is difficult to see where feminists are saying “we’re all in this together!” and the “Yeah!  We’re women and have clitorides with more nerve endings than your penis and in a much smaller area and you don’t, you oppressive white males!” feels more prominent.  Not to say I believe feminists generally feel this way (after this blog, criticising a particular group would seem a little contradictory), but as a feminist and a vegetarian, and an lgbt rights activist, I try my best to make pro-[blank] articles as friendly to the outsiders as possible.  I probably fail miserably, but I like to think I’m doing something right.  After all, I haven’t been struck by lightning recently.

Ours to lose

The story of the clever asian girl in Naomi Wolf’s “The Future is Ours to Lose” article reminds me of one of my best friends.  When she and I met two years ago, I was living with three women, all feminists, one of them a hairy lesbian.  I was there the first time each of them saw The Vagina Monologues, which was about as liberating for me as it was for them, and  I went through the discovery process with them, eventually considering myself as much a feminist as the hairy lesbian did herself. 
One day I met nameless-best-friend (NBF).  We got on like a house on fire.  A fireproof house on fire.  Apparently.  But suddenly things started to burn.  For the issue of feminism came up.  I don’t remember exactly how the conversation played out, but I’ll never forget the moment NBF said to me, “They want to be able to dress like a skank, but when guys look, they freak out about sexual harrassment.”  They.  They is a very broad word.  It’s like Them, but ending with a y.   I know I’ve never been comfortable with the idea of Them, but They‘re always a different group to each of us.  To NBF, They meant all women everywhere who still thought we needed to bother with a fight for equal rights for women.  Women have the vote, but they can’t be showin’ off dey titties if they don’t wanna get in trouble for it. 
In a way, I understood where NBF was coming from.  Any woman who goes into work with her butt hangin’ out under her skirt, and her top so low that no male or female can concentrate on anything else, is probably looking for some kind of attention.  And if said woman decides to sue a distracted fellow for succumbing to the magnetism of human female breasts…she’s probably being a little unreasonable.  But as much as it looks like it,  this isn’t a specific, isolated scenario to NBF.  She presented this as undeniable proof that all of Them are being unreasonable for still wanting to be one of Them now that women have the vote. 
NBF is not a bad person.  In fact, she’s probably one of the most loving, compassionate people I’ve ever met.  But she’s also by far the most stubborn.  NBF came from a very traditional catholic family, father in the army, mother in the kitchen.  She loved her family, and was unflinchingly loyal to them.  She later said that one problem with feminism is that they dissaprove of women in the kitchen.  I realise now that NBF was simply being defensive about her family.  Unreasonable, yes, but her views were spoken as a defensive act of love.  What truly blows is that some women, like NBF, are so loving and so loyal, that it can stand in their way.  And I suppose… that is my conclusion to this story. 

testing

Testing, one, two, three