In, Out, or Jack

“in or out” by ani difranco
guess there’s something wrong with me
guess i don’t fit in
no one wants to touch it
no one knows where to begin
i’ve got more than one membership
to more than one club
and i owe my life
to the people that i love

he looks me up and down
like he knows what time it is
like he’s got my number
like he thinks it’s his
he says,
call me, miss difranco,
if there’s anything i can do
i say,
it’s mr. difranco to you

some days the line i walk
turns out to be straight
other days the line tends to
deviate
i’ve got no criteria for sex or race
i just want to hear your voice
i just want to see your face

she looks me up and down
like she thinks that i’ll mature
like she’s got my number
like it belongs to her
she says,
call me, ms. difranco
if there’s anything i can do
i say, i’ve got spots
i’ve got
stripes, too

their eyes are all asking
are you in, or are you out
and i think, oh man,
what is this about?
tonight you can’t put me
up on any shelf
’cause i came here alone
i’m gonna leave by myself

i just want to show you
the way that i feel
and when i get tired
you can take the wheel
to me what’s more important
is the person that i bring
not just getting to the same restaurant
and eating the same thing

guess there’s something wrong with me
guess i don’t fit in
no one wants to touch it
no one knows where to begin
i’ve more than one membership
to more than one club
and i owe my life to the people that i love

I’m so glad to have read “Biphobia”.  Not because it enlightened me, or taught me anything new, but because it gave me an excuse to go on a bisexual rant. 

“I think you’re just a bit confused…”
“You bisexual faggot!”
“I was under the impression bisexuals were just still half in the closet.”
“Are you really bisexual though, or are you just covering up?”

Can you imagine how much fun it is to have to respond to things like this?  I can.  It’s fun like getting your genitals caught in a meat grinder.  Well…maybe not that bad.

I was actually surprised to find this article.  It’s fairly unusual to find anything that’s at all inclusive of bisexuality.  Even the “gay” movement, which is more officially refered to as LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender), doesn’t typically point out that bisexuals are on this ride with them.  The other day I was on my roommate’s Wii, using the internet.  Typing is difficult with a games console remote, so the geniuses at Wii headquarters decided to help us out by giving us options to click at the top of the screen.  For example, if I type “con”, the screen will show me words like “continue, connection, constant,” etc.  If you type in “homo”, you get “homosexuality” as an option.  However, if you type in “Bi” or “bise” or “bisexua” there is still no option for bisexual.  Bisexuality is in fact not in the Wii dictionary. 

It’s ok though, cause we can just get along as heterosexual anyway.  Right?  I mean, we can just use the word hetero and mean the exact same thing.  If I’m looking for bisexual literature or films, I can just type in straight or gay.  It’s the same thing.  We don’t need to be included, since we can just pretend to be something else.  Oy.

But that’s enough complaining!  Things are improving.  Sure, the world still sees us as gay or straight.  Sure, we can’t come out without needing to prove ourselves over and over again!  But things are getting better!  For one thing, this article in this textbook!  That’s a step!

Recently the American mainstream attempted to portray the historical hero Alexander the Great as he truly was.  Biiiiiiisexual.  It’s not a terrible film, and although Alexander himself seems to show more sexual affection for his mother than his boyfriend, the message got itself across.  Mainstream: here’s Alexander the Bisexual. 
(Sadly, the film was a flop, and the public quickly became aware that Alexander was a fag in this film.  No one saw it after that.)

However!  Things are looking even brighter on the other side of the pond!  The United Kingdom has gone bisexual crazy!  After the return of the long-running hit BBC family show Doctor Who, a bisexual twist was added to the mix in the form a character called Captain Jack Harkness:

Oh.  My God.  What a fucking hunk. 

Captain Jack is quick-witted, charming action hero, who will charm the pants off her:

then him:

then…this:

Uh…yeah.  That’s right!  If Jack likes you, he’ll shag you!  Of course, it didn’t end with Doctor Who for our favourite captain.  He was awarded his own spin-off show, the adult oriented Torchwood.   Executive Producer and head-writer Russel T Davies told Gay Times magazine, “Without making it political or dull, this is going to be a very bisexual programme. I want to knock down the barriers so we can’t define which of the characters is gay. We need to start mixing things up, rather than thinking, ‘This is a gay character and he’ll only ever go off with men.’” 
That’s right, Torchwood is BISEXUAL!  It’s the world’s first bisexual television show!  Every character in this show has at least snogged or shagged a member of both genders.  And the show is a success!  In fact, it recently began it’s run on BBC America, and managed to break records, with 496,000 total viewers, the largest number of any drama premiere in the channel’s history.
(Doctor Who has managed to keep at least a hint of bisexuality despite the absense of Captain Jack.)

 Jack is a character I find fascinating (not just because he has a nice bottom, and body, and chin, and eyes, and hair, and nose, and personality, and charm, and…etc.), because despite his occassional tendency to shag men, he’s managed to entirely maintain his masculinity.  Jack is completely open about his sexuality, and never hesitates to express his desires.  He’s brave, self sacrificing, athletic…everything you’d expect the manliest man of mandom to be…and he has sex with boys!  Usually I hate men who are especially masculine, probably because it seems like they’re putting on a show to prove themselves.  But the fact that this character does the faggiest, sissiest, girliest thing in the world (sex with boys), and doesn’t hesitate to let it be known, gives me the impression that he is totally honest about who he is.  So he is manly!  He’s just manly and bisexual! 

ALERT!  I just found a wonderful video on youtube that pretty much captures my favourite captain in a nutshell: