Party Girl

“I don’t know many people who know “real” bisexuals. I know a few myself, but the reason you witnessed the response from our group is because, all many of us are ever exposed to is the “party bi-sexuals”….rather disappointing if you ask me.”
Comment from Jessica Watkins on my blog

The following reply was just a comment, but I thought I might blog it too, because it’s a subject I find really interesting.

Disclaimer: this isn’t scientifically proven, I know that, but this is how I understand the world of bisexuality as I have experienced it, and an opinion as formed by my observations and those of other bisexuals I socialise with:
Party bisexuals are the bisexuals that appear more prominent because they’re the ones who don’t have to be scared. Pretty much always, they’re women, and women are praised for being bisexual (as long as they have a boyfriend and/or make men feel wanted). Male bisexuals usually have the concern of being labelled gay, or gay and in denial if they come out. Gay men often find us pathetic, and straight men think we’re faggots that probably need a beating (or just to be treated as if we’re inferior, not really men at all, and essentially, very unnattractive women). So most men, in particular, stay in the closet out of fear of losing their masculinity.
Female bisexuals often identify as gay, not wanting to be gawked at by straight men, treated as an object, and end up completely ignoring men altogether as a result (understandably).
I believe the reason we get so many “”party bisexuals”” is because it’s the only safe way to be bisexual in this culture. It just ain’t fair. Oh, and I believe them. The party bisexuals. God knows if everyone wanted me to make out with a hot guy, and he wanted to make out with me, I’d do it.  But that’s not really how it works for blokes.

Beauty and the Beast

What if Charlie’s Angels were all bald?  That would make more sense.  Secret agents don’t need long hair, in fact it gets in the way.  But then, I suppose we’d have to go to extremes and have them also wear appropriate clothing for the task at hand.  Overall, that would be unnattractive, and Charlie might not want them anymore.

Is Titanic a love story or a lust story?  What if Rose had been fat?  What if she’d been taller than Jack?  How would that scene where they stand at the front of the ship and Rose says “I’m flying!” have looked if Rose were fat and very tall?  Would Jack have wanted to sketch her naked at all?  Probably as much as Rose would have wanted to be sketched if Jack was 50, fat and balding.  So is this one of the greatest love stories of all time, or greatest lust stories?

Reading “It’s a Big Fat Revolution” made me think about these things.  And, on second thought, Rose may not have had as much of a problem with Jack if he was fat than he would’ve had if she was fat.  We do have a theme in, at least, western society of “beauty and the beast”: Phantom of the Opera, Beauty and the Beast, King Kong, Edward Scissorhands, Fantastic Four, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, etc.   We also regularly see film portrayals of the beautiful woman with the overweight, or not-so attractive man: Annie Hall, The Nutty Professor, The Simpsons, The King of Queens, etc.

So women can’t be attractive romantically unless they’re attractive physically, I think is the overall conclusion.  Men can, women can’t.  And it’s not just attractiveness, it’s societal standards of beauty.  Because, honestly, Cameron Diaz could shave her head, and people would instantly find her less attractive just because it’s weird (I’m not one of those people, for the record). 
I know this isn’t a terribly original observation.  It’s just strange to think about how the greatest love stories of all film history could change so completely if Dawn French played the part instead of someone really skinny.  Dawn French as Christine in Phantom of the Opera?  Why not?  Because it wouldn’t be as hot then.  So why’s Erik so ugly?  It’s just acceptable.

 So I wonder about what straight people feel when they’re watching these films.  The men are gawking at the women, and the women are…what?  Pitying the ugly men?  Or seeing past their physical features and seeing the true beauty inside?  So the standard for male beauty is lower.  So what does she see when she looks at the female love interest?  A challange?  Maybe that’s why the guys are so ugly: so the male audience doesn’t see them as a challange.  
I think women’s personalities are less important in the media also.  They don’t get to be as funny or deep as the ugly men.  I think that’s the point of being attractive: not being funny or deep.  I don’t have any citations for this off the top of my head, so maybe I’m just being cynical.

 But I wonder if this has a lot to do with how we see larger women.  If they’re the size of the average male, they could undoubtedly be seen as theatening, as opposed to the gentle, harmless smaller female.  Does being a physical equal mean they can’t be an emotional equal?  I think sex is a lot more complicated for everyone than just what exactly you find physically attractive.  Even people who sleep around a lot – no shag is worth the effort simply for the genital stimulation.  I think with more promiscuous men it has a lot to do with how they feel about getting laid in the first place, whether they might find it to be an achievement, to have won something for the evening, or to feel accepted and attractive to someone.  Since society says skinny girls are more attractive, then boning a skinny girl is a better prize, right?  Better to brag about at least.  And if a skinny girl, who must know she’s hot, thinks you’re hot enough to sleep with, then you must be hot too.  Self esteem boost, right there.  And also sleeping with a more submissive appearing female may be based on an erotic desire for dominance.  Who feels dominant when the other person can kick your arse?  Ah, which also makes me think of how men want to be seen by other men again.  What would the guys think if your girlfriend was stronger than you?  Man, you’d be a pussy.  A girl yourself.  Maybe that makes you a lesbian, and completely excluded from masculinity altogether. 

 Grrr…so what makes a real man?  Ay, there’s the rub.  If you can’t fight, are you a real man?  Should all relationships have a dominant and submissive partner?  I think this is often how people see things, but it’s certianly not logical or fair.  Can I say I’m a real man without being laughed at?  I think most people would find it funny to hear me say that, but I suppose that’s because, although they know I have a penis and testicles, they also know that ‘real man’ refers to somoene large and muscely who can fight. 

Celebrate Bisexuality Day

Today is International Celebrate Bisexuality Day.

Here’s a pretty Bi symbol in honour:

“This bisexual symbol is a double moon that is formed when the sex-specific attributes of the astrological symbol of Mars & Venus (representing heterosexual union) are reduced to the two circles open on both ends, thus symbolizing that bisexuals are open to either-sex unions.”

 Ain’t it pretty? 

 The colours are of course based on the bisexual flag colours:

The pink represents homosexuality, the blue heterosexuality, and the purple in the middle is the cross between the two.

But the flag is kind of ugly, whereas the moons are just pretty.  Let’s look at the double moons again:

So pretty!

Trans

OoooooK, I find blogging a bit addictive.  Mainly because it means talking about things I find interesting.  So this is my second blog in about fifteen minutes, for no good reason.

I was just reading someone else’s blog about gender, and how they believe gender is decided at birth despite what the culture tries to teach the child.  This is definitely true!  I completely appreciate the evidence for this, and think it’s reasonable to accept it as truth.  Buuuuut, I want to talk for a minute about a documentary series I recently checked out of the Emily Fowler Library (they have such interesting stuff there!) called TransGeneration.  It showed the college lives of two m2f and two f2m students and how they live everyday life.  What I wanted to touch upon that I found interesting was how the females2males behaved.  They were pretty typically masculine in their behavior, and of course they were open about their sexualities, but none of them had the kind of fear of emotion and male-male physical affection that most people born males seem to have.  They would happily hug one another without shame, and talk about their emotions if it seemed necessary.  Now, if you’re thinking, that’s because they’re still women….oh no.  There were several f2ms involved in their stories, and a lot of them were taking testosterone shots, which means a lot just ended up being as much a man as I am (if not more) despite their lack of testicles. 
This is one of many things that proves to me that men have many behavioral tendencies based on society, and that it is possible for men to get along in a more healthy, emotional manner.   …It’s just most men have to be worried about being called a faggot.  Transgenders have already suffered enough that one more name can’t hurt them.

How do you feel about bisexuals?

In class today, something interesting happened.  Nothing surprising, but something I want to write about.  In our discussion group, I asked how people felt about bisexuals before and after reading the biphobia article.  This is pretty much the reaction I got (though I’m completely paraphrasing, because I don’t remember exactly how it went):
“I had no idea there was even such a thing as biphobia.”
“No, neither did I, it’s so weird.”
“Yeah, that was crazy.  I mean, I have a friend who is bisexual but…well, she’s sort of a party bisexual.”
“Oh, I know, party bisexuals aren’t real bisexuals.  The ones who make out with chicks ’cause their boyfriends think it’s hot.”

Hmmm…that was quick.  As soon as bisexuals as individuals were mentioned, the conversation immediately became centred on the ‘party bisexual’. This ended up being all that was talked about before we moved onto the next question.   Party bisexuals are girls who don’t really find one another attractive, but make out with each other for their boyfriend’s enjoyment.
Well…I mean…the assumption is that they don’t really find each other attractive.  I mean, why would they make out with each other if they did?  If they do, then they’re just doing it as part of their heterosexual privilage, because no one is about to call them a dyke or a lesbian, as they’re really straight and have boyfriends.

Is that how we see bisexuals?  Is that how conversations on bisexuals go?  Pretty much, yeah.  I’ve not found it to be uncommon anyway.  Male bisexuals are immediately ignored, and polyamorous female bisexuals are called straight. 

Let’s pretend I brought up homophobia. What if the conversation went like this:
“Homophobia is terrible.”
“Yeah, I think so too, I can’t believe people still think like that, it’s so weird.”
“Yeah, that’s crazy.  I mean, I have a friend who is homosexual, but…well, she’s sort of a man hating dyke.”
“Oh, I know, dyke’s are just mean.  They’re just people who were traumatised by men and now hate all men.”

Is that how conversations about homosexuality go?  Certainly not in our class.  There are people out there who would say these things, but not people who think they’re open minded and liberal.
So why, when bisexuality is brought up, do we immediately go into these hateful rants about the “fake party-bisexuals”?
I suppose it’s all part of the unconscious bisexual erasure.  If anyone who said anything about party bisexuals in class today reads this, I don’t mean to be offensive.  I don’t think anyone was trying to stereotype or anything.  But I think even liberal/lgbt culture tends to ignore the issue of bisexual erasure.  I brought up bisexuality – everyone started talking about straight girls who are sluts.  Is this the immediate association people have with bisexuality?  I think it often is.  Far too often.  There’s a whole bisexual culture out there that is so often ignored in favour of people’s drunken experiences with girls.  I suppose that’s the only thing they can relate to bisexuality from their own life.  Which is unfortunate, because there are so many wonderful interesting bisexuals out there, such a rich and diverse group of people.  I hope this didn’t offend anyone.

In, Out, or Jack

“in or out” by ani difranco
guess there’s something wrong with me
guess i don’t fit in
no one wants to touch it
no one knows where to begin
i’ve got more than one membership
to more than one club
and i owe my life
to the people that i love

he looks me up and down
like he knows what time it is
like he’s got my number
like he thinks it’s his
he says,
call me, miss difranco,
if there’s anything i can do
i say,
it’s mr. difranco to you

some days the line i walk
turns out to be straight
other days the line tends to
deviate
i’ve got no criteria for sex or race
i just want to hear your voice
i just want to see your face

she looks me up and down
like she thinks that i’ll mature
like she’s got my number
like it belongs to her
she says,
call me, ms. difranco
if there’s anything i can do
i say, i’ve got spots
i’ve got
stripes, too

their eyes are all asking
are you in, or are you out
and i think, oh man,
what is this about?
tonight you can’t put me
up on any shelf
’cause i came here alone
i’m gonna leave by myself

i just want to show you
the way that i feel
and when i get tired
you can take the wheel
to me what’s more important
is the person that i bring
not just getting to the same restaurant
and eating the same thing

guess there’s something wrong with me
guess i don’t fit in
no one wants to touch it
no one knows where to begin
i’ve more than one membership
to more than one club
and i owe my life to the people that i love

I’m so glad to have read “Biphobia”.  Not because it enlightened me, or taught me anything new, but because it gave me an excuse to go on a bisexual rant. 

“I think you’re just a bit confused…”
“You bisexual faggot!”
“I was under the impression bisexuals were just still half in the closet.”
“Are you really bisexual though, or are you just covering up?”

Can you imagine how much fun it is to have to respond to things like this?  I can.  It’s fun like getting your genitals caught in a meat grinder.  Well…maybe not that bad.

I was actually surprised to find this article.  It’s fairly unusual to find anything that’s at all inclusive of bisexuality.  Even the “gay” movement, which is more officially refered to as LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender), doesn’t typically point out that bisexuals are on this ride with them.  The other day I was on my roommate’s Wii, using the internet.  Typing is difficult with a games console remote, so the geniuses at Wii headquarters decided to help us out by giving us options to click at the top of the screen.  For example, if I type “con”, the screen will show me words like “continue, connection, constant,” etc.  If you type in “homo”, you get “homosexuality” as an option.  However, if you type in “Bi” or “bise” or “bisexua” there is still no option for bisexual.  Bisexuality is in fact not in the Wii dictionary. 

It’s ok though, cause we can just get along as heterosexual anyway.  Right?  I mean, we can just use the word hetero and mean the exact same thing.  If I’m looking for bisexual literature or films, I can just type in straight or gay.  It’s the same thing.  We don’t need to be included, since we can just pretend to be something else.  Oy.

But that’s enough complaining!  Things are improving.  Sure, the world still sees us as gay or straight.  Sure, we can’t come out without needing to prove ourselves over and over again!  But things are getting better!  For one thing, this article in this textbook!  That’s a step!

Recently the American mainstream attempted to portray the historical hero Alexander the Great as he truly was.  Biiiiiiisexual.  It’s not a terrible film, and although Alexander himself seems to show more sexual affection for his mother than his boyfriend, the message got itself across.  Mainstream: here’s Alexander the Bisexual. 
(Sadly, the film was a flop, and the public quickly became aware that Alexander was a fag in this film.  No one saw it after that.)

However!  Things are looking even brighter on the other side of the pond!  The United Kingdom has gone bisexual crazy!  After the return of the long-running hit BBC family show Doctor Who, a bisexual twist was added to the mix in the form a character called Captain Jack Harkness:

Oh.  My God.  What a fucking hunk. 

Captain Jack is quick-witted, charming action hero, who will charm the pants off her:

then him:

then…this:

Uh…yeah.  That’s right!  If Jack likes you, he’ll shag you!  Of course, it didn’t end with Doctor Who for our favourite captain.  He was awarded his own spin-off show, the adult oriented Torchwood.   Executive Producer and head-writer Russel T Davies told Gay Times magazine, “Without making it political or dull, this is going to be a very bisexual programme. I want to knock down the barriers so we can’t define which of the characters is gay. We need to start mixing things up, rather than thinking, ‘This is a gay character and he’ll only ever go off with men.’” 
That’s right, Torchwood is BISEXUAL!  It’s the world’s first bisexual television show!  Every character in this show has at least snogged or shagged a member of both genders.  And the show is a success!  In fact, it recently began it’s run on BBC America, and managed to break records, with 496,000 total viewers, the largest number of any drama premiere in the channel’s history.
(Doctor Who has managed to keep at least a hint of bisexuality despite the absense of Captain Jack.)

 Jack is a character I find fascinating (not just because he has a nice bottom, and body, and chin, and eyes, and hair, and nose, and personality, and charm, and…etc.), because despite his occassional tendency to shag men, he’s managed to entirely maintain his masculinity.  Jack is completely open about his sexuality, and never hesitates to express his desires.  He’s brave, self sacrificing, athletic…everything you’d expect the manliest man of mandom to be…and he has sex with boys!  Usually I hate men who are especially masculine, probably because it seems like they’re putting on a show to prove themselves.  But the fact that this character does the faggiest, sissiest, girliest thing in the world (sex with boys), and doesn’t hesitate to let it be known, gives me the impression that he is totally honest about who he is.  So he is manly!  He’s just manly and bisexual! 

ALERT!  I just found a wonderful video on youtube that pretty much captures my favourite captain in a nutshell:

Me, Arnie, and our Penises

People really like belonging.  This is nothing new, and I don’t consider it a terribly original observation.  But it troubles me constantly. 
When I was a little boy, I primarily socialised with females.  My mother owned a nursery which was run from our house, and all the employees were women.  My father was never around, and all the teachers at school were women.  The majority of my little friends were also females, but small versions.  I very rarely socialised with boys, and when I did, I often experienced a wonderful acceptance.  This usually meant I couldn’t crinkle my nose at farts, and I had to pretend to be interested in the World Cup, but it still made me feel good to be accepted; to be normal; to belong.
Of course, most of the time I wasn’t accepted, I wasn’t normal, and I certainly didn’t belong anywhere.  And though this has been pretty consistant up to this day, occassionally a male or two will think I’m a real man for a while, and it’s a nice feeling.  Then they find out my terrible secrets (essentially femininity), and I then become one of the girls again.  Or one of the queers.  Or just the extra person no one is quite sure how to catagorise.  When I read “Boys Will Be Boys and Girls Will Not,” I was reminded of the wonderful feelings of being accepted as a man.  As many of the men mentioned in this article, I would love to be able to take credit for all of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s upper body strength.  I mean, that’s pretty much my upper body strength, right?  Cause I have a penis too (don’t listen to anyone tell you otherwise). 

I love that Mariah Burton Nelson points out that the sports men excel in are specifically designed to showcase their particular strengths.  So if women can’t do it, obviously they aren’t as good!  I vote for a human phoetus incubation race.  But that’s just not impressive, is it?  I’ve been told it hurt though, y’know, bringing the whole human race into existance (not to undermine the importance of any test tube babies who may be reading this blog).
It’s so interesting that female competence is measured in comparison to male oriented inventions!  Seriously, the more I think about it, the more I’m in the mood for a HPI race!  Actually, men have been known to breatfeed.  So, here’s something that both genders can concievably do.  Maybe women can do it better, but what does that prove?  Only, I think that the men who participated are faggots and are probably going to hell.
Not to say that I’m ignoring all the wonderful things women can do in sports, but according to society, women’s “special features” (I’m not quoting anyone there, it was just the first term I could think of) aren’t anything special compared to men’s.  WTF?@!!

Queens

“A lesbian is percieved as someone who can live without a man and who is therefore (however illogically) against men.” 
- “Homophobia: A Weapon of Sexism” by Suzanne Pharr

I fucking love this statement, because it’s so fucking true.  Fuck.  Thinking about it, when does anyone look at a gay man and think about how he must hate women?  Never.  Femininity is celebrated throughout the gay male community (to the X-treme), and no homophobe can pretend that isn’t true.  But lesbians are man-hating dykes!  That’s one of those things that you always know, but never think about.  And that’s really freakin’ interesting to think about.
And overall, a damn fine article.  I was expecting to start blogging with: “YEAH TOO FUCKING RIGHT!  TAKE DOWN THE FUCKING MAN!  GAY RIGHTS!   WOOO!  RAINBOWS!  WOO!  BISEXUALS!  WOOO!  But I didn’t.  I mean, I can be pretty X-treme when I want to be, but right now I’m savouring the article like a sweet cigar after making love to one or more strangers (’cause you know I do that in real life). 
I think third wave feminism being about things like sexual identity is very important, because when people try to deny the need for feminism, that’s something they can’t argue with (unless, like all us sensible people, they realise that the devil made homersexurals, and we need to track them down with our pitchforkes, and feed ‘em back to hell).  What a delightful read about homophobia!  I shall go and eat some sorbet now.

Reading “Toward a New Vision” by Patricia Hill Collins, I’m overwhelmed with the desire to tell someone to fuck off.  I appreciate the message of this article, but when I reach a point of discussion in which I’m told “You think like this:  Men=good, women=bad,” I immediately want to bust a cap.  In my current mood, this would be my gender identity list as suggested by Collins:

Masculine
aggressive
stupid
mean
macho
full of shit

 Feminine
aggressive
stupid
mean
over feminine
full of crap

Now, does this fit into the idea that I’m thinking of white men and women?  Yes, it does!  But fear not, people of other races, I think you’re all stupid too!
This has nothing to do with race, gender, orientation, etc, it is simply that I am a cynical, judgemental bastard.  And I suppose I must be the exception to Collins’ anticipated audience.  It’s got me glum because I don’t feel it applies to me, and I find it kind of offensive.  Perhaps there should be a disclaimer at the beginning of the article:  “IF YOU JUST HATE EVERYONE, THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU”
I wonder though, if this had worked on me, how would I feel?  I suppose I can picture some people thinking, “Oh my God, she’s right.  I do think white men are superior.  How very clever.”  I should probably have been reading the article as if I was one of those people.  But I don’t wanna pretend I’m like she recons everyone else is!  I don’t wanna be catagorised as one of these people and have my feelings taken for granted!  I don’t want to be one of those she’s refering to when she says the words “you probably”.  Because I ain’t.  My “position” has been thoroughly “examined”, thank you very much.
Perhaps I need a chill pill.  Perhaps I should now read the homophobia article, and really bust a cap!  Bet you can’t wait for that blog entry!